There are many excellent sources of information on HIV/AIDS and safer sex available -- and we should all inform ourselves about facts that can save our lives.

This article is different: It is for gay men, bisexual men and men who have sex with men. It is for people who are or were raised Catholic. It is for people who are struggling to take care of themselves -- physically, mentally and spiritually -- while being sexually active in the age of AIDS.

Sex has different meanings at different stages in our lives. As members of Dignity, we believe that sex is a gift from God and has the potential to be spiritually fulfilling. It can be a beautiful and powerful way for people to come together and to achieve the closeness they desire.

As Catholics, we know that sex and the spirit are intimately connected. Scientists, poets and theologians have all attempted to describe what sex and spirit are. None have explored this rich and mysterious union completely. Our bodies and our souls are intimately married. Because sex is both spiritual and physical, we are all called to define the meaning of sex for ourselves. As Catholics, we possess a rich spiritual tradition to draw upon as we seek to understand the place of sex in our lives.

We know from the Catholic tradition that any person -- regardless of economic condition, sexual orientation, age, gender or race -- is capable of spiritual development. We know that our spiritual condition influences how we have sex, and how we enjoy it. We know that the meaning and purpose of sex -- despite the misinterpretations of Scripture and Church teaching put forward by our bishops and leaders -- is not simply to foster reproduction, or to demonstrate the divisions between men and women, gay and straight.

Sex is about having and sharing pleasure. It is about openness towards the partner. It is about growing in security and self-esteem. It is about treating and being treated with dignity and respect.

Growing into sexuality and spirituality requires each of us to search our conscience. An individual can ask:
How is my sexual behavior affecting me and other people?
Am I taking the necessary precautions to prevent the spread of HIV to myself and to others?
How can I bring myself to a place where I can do this more easily?

Gay men, bisexuals and men who have sex with other men receive few tools from our society to help us think about our own behavior, and we have good reasons to avoid religious organizations as sources for such tools. Many of us suffer from internalized homophobia, a belief that we are wrong on some deep level and that it is wrong for us to have a full sexual, spiritual and emotional life. So many of our institutions tell us that all of our sexual activity is wrong. We turn to our own experiences for insight into the pitfalls and the promise of a healthy life.

We recognize from our own experience that many people feel intense guilt about sex. They may feel that sex with other men is wrong or dirty; they may believe they have, knowingly or unknowingly, transmitted STD’s to their sexual partners; they may be afraid that they are exposing themselves or others to HIV or AIDS. Such feelings, whether in our conscious or our unconscious minds, can be very powerful. They can make us depressed, or generate a sense of worthlessness. They can make us less willing to take care of ourselves, to pursue our goals, to work with others in the community, or to take the precautions necessary to protect our health. This kind of guilt is spiritually, physically and psychologically debilitating. It is the opposite of listening to a healthy conscience.

We also recognize from our own experience that most of us have grown up with some level of abuse or attack related to our sexuality. Sometimes from families, neighbors and schoolmates. Sometimes from institutions like schools, government and churches that don’t recognize our individual worth. Not surprisingly, many of us continue to live with patterns of abuse and powerlessness, often without even realizing it. Studies have shown that rates of drug and alcohol abuse are extremely high among gay people. Is getting high or “bare backing” liberating or disempowering? Paradoxically, many of the habits we got into because we were asserting our independence and freedom can turn into continuations of the disempowerment we grew up with. This also is the opposite of living by a healthy conscience.

As Catholics, we affirm that forgiveness, healing and spiritual growth are central to healthy sexual decision-making. A well-formed conscience moves beyond guilt and self-punishment. To develop our conscience, we must lay out our personal vision for a healthy, sex-positive and mutually satisfying life. Then we must challenge ourselves to make the choices that will get us there. The more we root our decision-making in the vision of our well-developed conscience, the more effective our efforts to protect ourselves and others from HIV will become.

Spirituality involves an awareness of political and social injustice -- powerful forces that undermine each person’s ability to envision and create a healthy life. Dignity tries to be a community where the homophobic messages of society and the institutional church can be resisted and replaced with a sense of the worth of all people. Dignity provides a safe space which is supportive of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, and which is sex-affirming. Together with other gay spiritual groups, Dignity offers a place to grow into a mature, informed sexual ethic.

No one should have to face the challenges of healing, reflection and sexual decision-making alone. We invite you to join us, or to seek out your own community of friends and family to support you in your personal and spiritual growth. Search your experience, sort through your spiritual resources, and speak with those you trust as you put together your vision for a healthy life. The best way to stop AIDS is to recognize how important you and your partner are in God’s eyes. Once we are clear about what we want -- and about how valuable we truly are -- it will be easier to make choices that are healthy, sex-affirming and spiritually free.

Here are some suggestions about ways you can develop healthy, affirming and spiritually liberating sexual practices in your life: